I am one of those rare and lucky people who get to go to work every single day and love their job with their whole entire being. I was made for this job. I'm good at it and it makes me happy. Lots of people that I know would end up homeless before going to work at the place of my employment. But not me. In fact, even on days I don't have to be at work I go there to unwind. To not think so hard for just a little bit. I get so caught up in the noise and commotion and chaos that nothing outside those doors matters for just a little while. I feel comfortable there. I feel loved there.
I work at a daycare.
I love the kids that I am privileged to work with more than I love my own life. I pray for them every night and I constantly wonder what they're up to when I'm apart from them for more than a day. They're my world. And the very best part is that they love me too. It's a magical feeling, you know. Love from a child is unlike any other love I've ever been a part of. With a boyfriend, you can never know for totally sure if he'll go on loving you tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. But with those kids, I can wake up in the morning certain that they'll be happy to see me when I walk through that door. That's the kind of thing that, to me, gives a life meaning and value. To love and be loved unconditionally is something some people never know.
When I have to take off of work for an extended period, I always explain exactly to the kids where I will be. I use maps and calendars and we use colors to demonstrate just how long I'll be gone and what I will be up to. If you don't tell the kids these things, they worry. And they are always so understanding about when I have to miss our time together to be someplace else.
But this one is new for all of us.
Miss Haley has to leave for college. And I won't be working there any longer. At all.
It totally breaks my heart to leave them. But every song has an ending and God has nudged me, telling me it's time to move on. I know taking the next step in my life involves leaving these kids that I love so deeply and care about so much.
The problem isn't as much me as it is them. They are not going to understand. They won't get it. I can show them where I'll be but they are going to demand to know when I will come back. And sure, I'll visit, but that will only be more confusing. Ugh.
As I move out and head to Harding, I'll remember them and picture them asking the other workers "Where's Miss Haley?" and even as I think of it now I just want for them to be able to tell the kids I will be right there. You may think this is pathetic but they hold my heart. And I'm leaving a piece of me behind. Leaving these kids will be at least as tough as leaving my family. These kids are like MY kids.
I wish I had some way to convey to them how much I love them. I wish that somehow they could see into the future and wish me luck. Their support would mean the world to me. I know I can make them proud. And I don't have a lot of options. I just got hug them tight, kiss them one more time, and head out into the world to try and be somebody else's hero.
I have 6 more days to work at the daycare. Then I have to say the 40 most difficult goodbyes of my life.
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