My history professor said once that "some people mess up more frequently." He went as far as implying that it's in their genetics. Well, after some careful consideration, I believe he's correct. And through some crazy luck of the draw or joke from God, I ended up with that gene. Goodness.
You know those times where you say something you shouldn't? Or when you don't say something you should? These happen to me so often! Why can't I spit it out or just shut up and why must it be so hard to tell the difference in the moment??? Ugh. I feel so confused and tired and frustrated right now. It's exhausting. To replay that moment over and over in your head, imagining how it went and how you wish it would have gone. And you can't quit. It's like a dvd with a deep scratch. I'm stuck on the same scene.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
What's it Worth?
Worth:
noun
-usefulness or importance, as to the world, a person, or for a purpose
-excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem
-value, as in money
-a quantity of something with a specified value
-wealth, riches, property or possessions, net worth
Hey ya'll. Sooo basically I just can not stop thinking about how often the word Worth is used.
Is it worth the wait?
noun
-usefulness or importance, as to the world, a person, or for a purpose
-excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem
-value, as in money
-a quantity of something with a specified value
-wealth, riches, property or possessions, net worth
Hey ya'll. Sooo basically I just can not stop thinking about how often the word Worth is used.
Is it worth the wait?
Will it be worth my time?
How many points is it worth?
And so on. I'm going nuts here because I can't answer the question. I don't know what is worth what to whom and who gets to decide that. It's crazy!
There are many things that, to me, would be Worth the Wait, that to someone else who's got different interests than I or who just simply does not have the gift of patience would consider a massive waste of time. Correct? Well, is one of us mistaken? Can we both be right? Is worth not a concept that either Is or Is not? Because, you see, money has a set worth. It's worth what it's worth and it costs what it costs but how much a person is worth to you or a special possession or time has Worth to each of us, but varies in amount.
Goodness. The more I think about this, the more I don't know.
It all started when my boyfriend asked me today if some insignificant thing was Worth it. I instantly had the thought "To me or to you?" Since then I've been hearing the word used over and over and over again. I can't get over this puzzle. Why would I get to choose?
I'm pretty sure the method I use for measuring my own Worth and the Worth of the things that belong to me or surround me is different from the manner used by anyone else on the planet. Most likely, we all have our own system. Is this the solution? I don't know. It must be! But this dilemma has made me seriously reconsider that word and how casually I use it.
Just a side note, I've always hated words with too many definitions. I personally think we should all broaden our vocabulary and then choose words that are so much more specific.
Goodness. The more I think about this, the more I don't know.
It all started when my boyfriend asked me today if some insignificant thing was Worth it. I instantly had the thought "To me or to you?" Since then I've been hearing the word used over and over and over again. I can't get over this puzzle. Why would I get to choose?
I'm pretty sure the method I use for measuring my own Worth and the Worth of the things that belong to me or surround me is different from the manner used by anyone else on the planet. Most likely, we all have our own system. Is this the solution? I don't know. It must be! But this dilemma has made me seriously reconsider that word and how casually I use it.
Just a side note, I've always hated words with too many definitions. I personally think we should all broaden our vocabulary and then choose words that are so much more specific.
Monday, September 26, 2011
There's A Lot to Love About College
Just some things I'm finding that I love about being a student at Harding University::
1. When you sneeze, class basically stops because at least 10 people ARE going to Bless You immediately.
2. I go entire days here without touching a door. The boys around here are quite the southern gentlemen.
3. I only sit in a classroom 11 hours out of the whole week.
4. Duffel bags are OUT. Backpacks are IN.
5. Everyone and their mom has Skype.
6. #chapeltweet
7. You can sleep or not sleep at any hour of any day and nobody think you're sick or weird or any kind of anything except a normal college kid.
8. You don't have to worry about being broke. Everybody is broke!
9. LOTS of new facebook friends with LOTS of goooooood facebook posts.
10. Everybody has their own cute accent.
11. Walmart is a recreational event.
12. Tennis is a real class with a real grade and real credit.
13. Kaley is my roommate.
14. My parents aren't here to tell me No.
15. Actually, no one at all is here to tell me No.
16. A church service JUST for college kids exists. And it starts at 10:30pm. Fun? Yeah!
17. The shoe variety here is ALL new to me.
18. Java City.
19. Having my own mailbox with my own address.
20. Getting packages at my own address in my own mailbox.
21. No busy work in your classes.
22. The classes that you have no busy work in are classes you actually want to learn in.
23. The teachers actually teach you things.
24. The things you learn are things you actually need in life.
25. God is everywhere here.
1. When you sneeze, class basically stops because at least 10 people ARE going to Bless You immediately.
2. I go entire days here without touching a door. The boys around here are quite the southern gentlemen.
3. I only sit in a classroom 11 hours out of the whole week.
4. Duffel bags are OUT. Backpacks are IN.
5. Everyone and their mom has Skype.
6. #chapeltweet
7. You can sleep or not sleep at any hour of any day and nobody think you're sick or weird or any kind of anything except a normal college kid.
8. You don't have to worry about being broke. Everybody is broke!
9. LOTS of new facebook friends with LOTS of goooooood facebook posts.
10. Everybody has their own cute accent.
11. Walmart is a recreational event.
12. Tennis is a real class with a real grade and real credit.
13. Kaley is my roommate.
14. My parents aren't here to tell me No.
15. Actually, no one at all is here to tell me No.
16. A church service JUST for college kids exists. And it starts at 10:30pm. Fun? Yeah!
17. The shoe variety here is ALL new to me.
18. Java City.
19. Having my own mailbox with my own address.
20. Getting packages at my own address in my own mailbox.
21. No busy work in your classes.
22. The classes that you have no busy work in are classes you actually want to learn in.
23. The teachers actually teach you things.
24. The things you learn are things you actually need in life.
25. God is everywhere here.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Forgot to Say it Out Loud
Whoa. I haven't done this in a while. I really should, 'cause it's sorta fun in a -wonder-if-anyone-wants-to-know-what's-up-in-my-life kinda way.
So what have I been up to? First off, I headed to college. I'm living in Searcy, going to classes, making new friends and missing my Boy at home. And I'm happy. I know that HU is where God wanted me to be. I fit there. I have a sense of belonging that I never even had at my own home in Salem. High school was a tough process for me (that's another story) and I'm so thrilled and thankful that college doesn't appear to be that same old mess. I hope it's not too soon to say so.
As happy as I am in Searcy, I've been coming back to my hometown A LOT. This is, of course, for a guy. An extremely important one. I miss him all the time, even when I'm with him and, in case you don't already know, long-distance relationships are suuuper difficult. As far as just the relationship is concerned, there simply aren't a lot of perks. But I can't change a thing. I couldn't leave him. I'm some kinda mess over this guy and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm thinking in long term here, and I hope we can make it happen.
People think I'm silly for adding the stress of a boyfriend to the craziness of college life, but people have been telling me I'm silly for a long, long time. It doesn't affect my decisions. Ha!
There's also the roommate that I feel I need to mention. Living with K is a blast! Nobody could be a better fit for me. I know for a fact that God let me have her and I feel so blessed to get to share my college experience with her. She's like my best friend now and I can't wait to keep on having too much fun with her.
Another friend that I quickly clicked with, tho, is P and she is unfortunately gone now. I miss her a ton and I hope she'll be back in January. P, if you're reading this, what happened was crazy unfair and you're severely missed at Harding, okay? Also....I think you should come visit! :)
Something that isn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped is my major. It doesn't seem like a very practical major and as much as I love it, I have no idea what to do with it as a career! I know I have a lot of time left to decide so I'm just going to keep praying that God has a specific strategy that He'll share with me in the future. I'm confident that everything will work out as it should.
In the meantime, I'm just going to keep loving my Boy, laughing all the time, being free, and going places!
Sorry this was such a brief and random post. I'll try to do better and post more often. My life has been a hot mess lately!
So what have I been up to? First off, I headed to college. I'm living in Searcy, going to classes, making new friends and missing my Boy at home. And I'm happy. I know that HU is where God wanted me to be. I fit there. I have a sense of belonging that I never even had at my own home in Salem. High school was a tough process for me (that's another story) and I'm so thrilled and thankful that college doesn't appear to be that same old mess. I hope it's not too soon to say so.
As happy as I am in Searcy, I've been coming back to my hometown A LOT. This is, of course, for a guy. An extremely important one. I miss him all the time, even when I'm with him and, in case you don't already know, long-distance relationships are suuuper difficult. As far as just the relationship is concerned, there simply aren't a lot of perks. But I can't change a thing. I couldn't leave him. I'm some kinda mess over this guy and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm thinking in long term here, and I hope we can make it happen.
People think I'm silly for adding the stress of a boyfriend to the craziness of college life, but people have been telling me I'm silly for a long, long time. It doesn't affect my decisions. Ha!
There's also the roommate that I feel I need to mention. Living with K is a blast! Nobody could be a better fit for me. I know for a fact that God let me have her and I feel so blessed to get to share my college experience with her. She's like my best friend now and I can't wait to keep on having too much fun with her.
Another friend that I quickly clicked with, tho, is P and she is unfortunately gone now. I miss her a ton and I hope she'll be back in January. P, if you're reading this, what happened was crazy unfair and you're severely missed at Harding, okay? Also....I think you should come visit! :)
Something that isn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped is my major. It doesn't seem like a very practical major and as much as I love it, I have no idea what to do with it as a career! I know I have a lot of time left to decide so I'm just going to keep praying that God has a specific strategy that He'll share with me in the future. I'm confident that everything will work out as it should.
In the meantime, I'm just going to keep loving my Boy, laughing all the time, being free, and going places!
Sorry this was such a brief and random post. I'll try to do better and post more often. My life has been a hot mess lately!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
That Boy :)
I'm awake at 6:53 in the morning right now and I've been up for just short of one hour. I can't sleep. Not even a little. I don't feel sleepy. Or tired. Or drowsy or anything of the sort. I just feel happy. And it's all because of this guy.
Guys, I know you're thinking I'm sounding really crazy right now. And maybe that's the truth. Maybe I'm nuts. But what I'm feeling is for real. It's harsh and it's loud and it's awesome. I've never felt this way before. I fell for a guy in 6 days. That's right. I did. Impossible? I would've said so too. And I didn't mean to. I mean, really, I have to move out in only 3 days, and I was NOT hunting for a new relationship just before I went to college. Don't be silly. That is like life's number one rule: Do not go to college tied down.
Well guess what, ya'll. I'm breaking it. You would too if you could feel this.
I don't want to go to college anymore. I want to stay right here with him. I trust him more than is healthy. I think about him constantly. He's not just a guy. He's something crazy and the timing is terrible, but what can I do?
I'm entirely hopeless. I'm a goner. I'm hooked. I'm stuck. And I'm happy about it.
Guys, I know you're thinking I'm sounding really crazy right now. And maybe that's the truth. Maybe I'm nuts. But what I'm feeling is for real. It's harsh and it's loud and it's awesome. I've never felt this way before. I fell for a guy in 6 days. That's right. I did. Impossible? I would've said so too. And I didn't mean to. I mean, really, I have to move out in only 3 days, and I was NOT hunting for a new relationship just before I went to college. Don't be silly. That is like life's number one rule: Do not go to college tied down.
Well guess what, ya'll. I'm breaking it. You would too if you could feel this.
I don't want to go to college anymore. I want to stay right here with him. I trust him more than is healthy. I think about him constantly. He's not just a guy. He's something crazy and the timing is terrible, but what can I do?
I'm entirely hopeless. I'm a goner. I'm hooked. I'm stuck. And I'm happy about it.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Fill-In
I had an extremely rough day today.
Here I am, trying to go to college in only 14 days, when I receive some devastating news concerning some monetary help I was going to get from Disability. In short, the news was that it's not happening. It was a large amount of money. I really needed it. And I honestly feel that I deserve it. Guys, I've never wanted anything in my whole life as much as I want to go to Harding University. It's been a struggle from day number one and I truly believed that I had finally settled everything. All was good and in place and ready for me to go to my dream school. And now it's as if I'm starting all over. Ugh!
The problem is not that I want to give up. The issue is that I have no idea what to do next. I don't have a plan B because my plan A came together! Where can I come up with a large sum of money in only two weeks? Who can I turn to? What will I do if the money doesn't appear? I know God will provide, but I don't believe in sitting on my butt to wait for it. I have to keep fighting. But I just do not know how.
Feeling totally defeated, I headed into work. I was late, due to the Disability meeting and I didn't want to go in at all. My heart wasn't in it today. But when I walked upstairs, I saw my fill-in relaxing with my kids everyone enjoying themselves and I smiled. It was so sweet. ((Let's take a pause in the story to note that the fill-in saved the day at the last second when I realized I couldn't make it into work at 10pm last night. He rocks.))
Quickly discovering that I was having a rough day, the fill-in and hero of today set his sights on making it better. By staying a whole extra hour to talk, insisting that I was not allowed to cry, and by continuing to text me long after we had both left work for the day. Encouraging me and distracting me and entertaining me. And would you like to know something? He succeeded. He helped me get through today and I don't think he even knows how grateful I am to have his help- NOT just at work. What a good guy :)
Problems will resolve themselves and sadness fades. I'm so so glad I didn't let a whole day waste without a little happiness in it. All thanks to The Fill-In.
Here I am, trying to go to college in only 14 days, when I receive some devastating news concerning some monetary help I was going to get from Disability. In short, the news was that it's not happening. It was a large amount of money. I really needed it. And I honestly feel that I deserve it. Guys, I've never wanted anything in my whole life as much as I want to go to Harding University. It's been a struggle from day number one and I truly believed that I had finally settled everything. All was good and in place and ready for me to go to my dream school. And now it's as if I'm starting all over. Ugh!
The problem is not that I want to give up. The issue is that I have no idea what to do next. I don't have a plan B because my plan A came together! Where can I come up with a large sum of money in only two weeks? Who can I turn to? What will I do if the money doesn't appear? I know God will provide, but I don't believe in sitting on my butt to wait for it. I have to keep fighting. But I just do not know how.
Feeling totally defeated, I headed into work. I was late, due to the Disability meeting and I didn't want to go in at all. My heart wasn't in it today. But when I walked upstairs, I saw my fill-in relaxing with my kids everyone enjoying themselves and I smiled. It was so sweet. ((Let's take a pause in the story to note that the fill-in saved the day at the last second when I realized I couldn't make it into work at 10pm last night. He rocks.))
Quickly discovering that I was having a rough day, the fill-in and hero of today set his sights on making it better. By staying a whole extra hour to talk, insisting that I was not allowed to cry, and by continuing to text me long after we had both left work for the day. Encouraging me and distracting me and entertaining me. And would you like to know something? He succeeded. He helped me get through today and I don't think he even knows how grateful I am to have his help- NOT just at work. What a good guy :)
Problems will resolve themselves and sadness fades. I'm so so glad I didn't let a whole day waste without a little happiness in it. All thanks to The Fill-In.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The 40 Most Difficult Goodbyes of My Life
I am one of those rare and lucky people who get to go to work every single day and love their job with their whole entire being. I was made for this job. I'm good at it and it makes me happy. Lots of people that I know would end up homeless before going to work at the place of my employment. But not me. In fact, even on days I don't have to be at work I go there to unwind. To not think so hard for just a little bit. I get so caught up in the noise and commotion and chaos that nothing outside those doors matters for just a little while. I feel comfortable there. I feel loved there.
I work at a daycare.
I love the kids that I am privileged to work with more than I love my own life. I pray for them every night and I constantly wonder what they're up to when I'm apart from them for more than a day. They're my world. And the very best part is that they love me too. It's a magical feeling, you know. Love from a child is unlike any other love I've ever been a part of. With a boyfriend, you can never know for totally sure if he'll go on loving you tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. But with those kids, I can wake up in the morning certain that they'll be happy to see me when I walk through that door. That's the kind of thing that, to me, gives a life meaning and value. To love and be loved unconditionally is something some people never know.
When I have to take off of work for an extended period, I always explain exactly to the kids where I will be. I use maps and calendars and we use colors to demonstrate just how long I'll be gone and what I will be up to. If you don't tell the kids these things, they worry. And they are always so understanding about when I have to miss our time together to be someplace else.
But this one is new for all of us.
Miss Haley has to leave for college. And I won't be working there any longer. At all.
It totally breaks my heart to leave them. But every song has an ending and God has nudged me, telling me it's time to move on. I know taking the next step in my life involves leaving these kids that I love so deeply and care about so much.
The problem isn't as much me as it is them. They are not going to understand. They won't get it. I can show them where I'll be but they are going to demand to know when I will come back. And sure, I'll visit, but that will only be more confusing. Ugh.
As I move out and head to Harding, I'll remember them and picture them asking the other workers "Where's Miss Haley?" and even as I think of it now I just want for them to be able to tell the kids I will be right there. You may think this is pathetic but they hold my heart. And I'm leaving a piece of me behind. Leaving these kids will be at least as tough as leaving my family. These kids are like MY kids.
I wish I had some way to convey to them how much I love them. I wish that somehow they could see into the future and wish me luck. Their support would mean the world to me. I know I can make them proud. And I don't have a lot of options. I just got hug them tight, kiss them one more time, and head out into the world to try and be somebody else's hero.
I have 6 more days to work at the daycare. Then I have to say the 40 most difficult goodbyes of my life.
I work at a daycare.
I love the kids that I am privileged to work with more than I love my own life. I pray for them every night and I constantly wonder what they're up to when I'm apart from them for more than a day. They're my world. And the very best part is that they love me too. It's a magical feeling, you know. Love from a child is unlike any other love I've ever been a part of. With a boyfriend, you can never know for totally sure if he'll go on loving you tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. But with those kids, I can wake up in the morning certain that they'll be happy to see me when I walk through that door. That's the kind of thing that, to me, gives a life meaning and value. To love and be loved unconditionally is something some people never know.
When I have to take off of work for an extended period, I always explain exactly to the kids where I will be. I use maps and calendars and we use colors to demonstrate just how long I'll be gone and what I will be up to. If you don't tell the kids these things, they worry. And they are always so understanding about when I have to miss our time together to be someplace else.
But this one is new for all of us.
Miss Haley has to leave for college. And I won't be working there any longer. At all.
It totally breaks my heart to leave them. But every song has an ending and God has nudged me, telling me it's time to move on. I know taking the next step in my life involves leaving these kids that I love so deeply and care about so much.
The problem isn't as much me as it is them. They are not going to understand. They won't get it. I can show them where I'll be but they are going to demand to know when I will come back. And sure, I'll visit, but that will only be more confusing. Ugh.
As I move out and head to Harding, I'll remember them and picture them asking the other workers "Where's Miss Haley?" and even as I think of it now I just want for them to be able to tell the kids I will be right there. You may think this is pathetic but they hold my heart. And I'm leaving a piece of me behind. Leaving these kids will be at least as tough as leaving my family. These kids are like MY kids.
I wish I had some way to convey to them how much I love them. I wish that somehow they could see into the future and wish me luck. Their support would mean the world to me. I know I can make them proud. And I don't have a lot of options. I just got hug them tight, kiss them one more time, and head out into the world to try and be somebody else's hero.
I have 6 more days to work at the daycare. Then I have to say the 40 most difficult goodbyes of my life.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I'm One of Those People Who Gets Addicted Easily
I just finished watching the very first episode of Lost on Netflix and I am already hooked. I can't wait to watch and see and figure out what that big scary thing is and what's going to happen next. And watching that made me decide to get on here and try to list some things I've been into lately. Maybe other people like the same things as me and maybe I'm the only one in the world who enjoys what I enjoy and I have really bad taste in everything. I don't care. I'm going to post my opinions anyway. It's my blog. I can do that if I want to.
I recently finished watching Wildfire. You know, the show with the horse? I watched the whole series. Every episode. There's only like 52 so it didn't take very long. I watch way too much Netflix. So, I really liked the show. It's basically all about one girl, one guy, and one horse. It's simple and it doesn't hurt your head to try and remember what happened in the last episode.
I also just got caught up with The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Geez did I cry in that last one! I won't spoil it for you. You have to watch for yourself. I like that show because of the story. Whoever wrote that did a great job but the acting is worse than average. By a lot.
Probably my favorite show ever (NOT INCLUDING Reality Television) is One Tree Hill. I'm a couple of episodes behind but I'll get there. It's hard to recommend that show tho because it's a show that you really have to see every single episode of before you can understand. And there's been like 8 seasons so it's basically too late to start now. Sorry.
The show I never ever miss is The Bachelorette. Or The Bachelor. Or Bachelor Pad. They're all basically the same and tho they're totally trashy and worthless and every episode lasts 2 whole hours, I am totally hooked. I just love it. I always fall in love right along with the people on the show. Which is so goofy. I know. But it's not like I'm the only one. That show has endless ridiculous fans just like me.
I also seriously enjoy Paranormal State and Beyond Scared Straight on A&E. Those are also embarrassing.
How about books?
I read the first 7 books in the Pretty Little Liars series and although they're not the kind of books that have any kind of substance or provoke thought in any way... I liked them. All of them. I always finish wanting to know what happens next. In fact, the 8th book is on its way to my house right now.
I finished Shana Twain's autobiography titled From This Moment On and it was so completely incredible. She really did a great job and her life has been so....full and confusing and difficult, she had so much to share and I loved being a part of it. That book is LONG tho so you really have to commit.
The next book I read was The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult. OH MY GOSH it was fantastic! By far the best book I've read in a long time. It was sweet and funny and happy and sad and surprising. I definitely recommend it, especially if you're a girl. My Sister's Keeper is another good one by Jodi. The book is way better than the movie.
I think that's all I have for now but don't think for one minute that's the last you'll hear from me!!
I recently finished watching Wildfire. You know, the show with the horse? I watched the whole series. Every episode. There's only like 52 so it didn't take very long. I watch way too much Netflix. So, I really liked the show. It's basically all about one girl, one guy, and one horse. It's simple and it doesn't hurt your head to try and remember what happened in the last episode.
I also just got caught up with The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Geez did I cry in that last one! I won't spoil it for you. You have to watch for yourself. I like that show because of the story. Whoever wrote that did a great job but the acting is worse than average. By a lot.
Probably my favorite show ever (NOT INCLUDING Reality Television) is One Tree Hill. I'm a couple of episodes behind but I'll get there. It's hard to recommend that show tho because it's a show that you really have to see every single episode of before you can understand. And there's been like 8 seasons so it's basically too late to start now. Sorry.
The show I never ever miss is The Bachelorette. Or The Bachelor. Or Bachelor Pad. They're all basically the same and tho they're totally trashy and worthless and every episode lasts 2 whole hours, I am totally hooked. I just love it. I always fall in love right along with the people on the show. Which is so goofy. I know. But it's not like I'm the only one. That show has endless ridiculous fans just like me.
I also seriously enjoy Paranormal State and Beyond Scared Straight on A&E. Those are also embarrassing.
How about books?
I read the first 7 books in the Pretty Little Liars series and although they're not the kind of books that have any kind of substance or provoke thought in any way... I liked them. All of them. I always finish wanting to know what happens next. In fact, the 8th book is on its way to my house right now.
I finished Shana Twain's autobiography titled From This Moment On and it was so completely incredible. She really did a great job and her life has been so....full and confusing and difficult, she had so much to share and I loved being a part of it. That book is LONG tho so you really have to commit.
The next book I read was The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult. OH MY GOSH it was fantastic! By far the best book I've read in a long time. It was sweet and funny and happy and sad and surprising. I definitely recommend it, especially if you're a girl. My Sister's Keeper is another good one by Jodi. The book is way better than the movie.
I think that's all I have for now but don't think for one minute that's the last you'll hear from me!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Why Can't We Be Friends??
So.
Have you ever been able to maintain a healthy friendship with someone you were previously dating? Can you go back to being "just friends" with an ex? There's no debating the fact that I have never personally accomplished this, even though I've tried more than just one time. But what I want to know is not whether I can do it, but if anyone can. Is it even possible for exes to be friends?
I doubt it. Most things in life that I know anything about involve lines. You go so far and draw a line. Maybe the goal is to cross the line, break your record, take another step. But there are other lines that we cross that we'd prefer to re-cross and get back to the other side. But the lines in life- or all the ones I've ever been a part of- can not be uncrossed. And unfortunately this seems to be the case with the Friendship Line. Don't you agree?
Once you cross over from being buddies only to something more, I don't think there's a way to have any other kind of relationship. You're stuck with a romantic relationship, or no relationship at all. And so far, the only other possibility I see is just a whole lot of awkwardness and I can't stand that. Awkward is the worst!
I once dated my best friend. And now that we aren't together, I can't tell him all that stuff that you only tell your best friend. I have a new best friend. And my relationship with her is fantastic. She may even be a BETTER best friend... But she isn't the same. She can't replace the one I lost and I lost it for good because of stupid lines. I wish you could choose which writing utensil you want to use to draw your lines. Like:: "This one I'm drawing in thick black sharpie marker, but this one over here let's put in pencil." You know what I mean?
But if everyone was able to undo every mistake they ever made then none of us would ever learn anything. And we'd all probably end up spending the rest of our lives in relationships with the wrong people. Those people we were meant to breakup with.
Who wrote the rules for relationships? I'd really like to know so that I could smack them hard across the face.
Have you ever been able to maintain a healthy friendship with someone you were previously dating? Can you go back to being "just friends" with an ex? There's no debating the fact that I have never personally accomplished this, even though I've tried more than just one time. But what I want to know is not whether I can do it, but if anyone can. Is it even possible for exes to be friends?
I doubt it. Most things in life that I know anything about involve lines. You go so far and draw a line. Maybe the goal is to cross the line, break your record, take another step. But there are other lines that we cross that we'd prefer to re-cross and get back to the other side. But the lines in life- or all the ones I've ever been a part of- can not be uncrossed. And unfortunately this seems to be the case with the Friendship Line. Don't you agree?
Once you cross over from being buddies only to something more, I don't think there's a way to have any other kind of relationship. You're stuck with a romantic relationship, or no relationship at all. And so far, the only other possibility I see is just a whole lot of awkwardness and I can't stand that. Awkward is the worst!
I once dated my best friend. And now that we aren't together, I can't tell him all that stuff that you only tell your best friend. I have a new best friend. And my relationship with her is fantastic. She may even be a BETTER best friend... But she isn't the same. She can't replace the one I lost and I lost it for good because of stupid lines. I wish you could choose which writing utensil you want to use to draw your lines. Like:: "This one I'm drawing in thick black sharpie marker, but this one over here let's put in pencil." You know what I mean?
But if everyone was able to undo every mistake they ever made then none of us would ever learn anything. And we'd all probably end up spending the rest of our lives in relationships with the wrong people. Those people we were meant to breakup with.
Who wrote the rules for relationships? I'd really like to know so that I could smack them hard across the face.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
This bar here isn't big enough for the title I want to put here
So I haven't really posted in a while. This is not because I haven't had anything to say. No no no, now that's a ridiculous thought. I haven't posted because I've had too much to say. All these thoughts that are racing around in my head without any sort of common thing. What is my problem? Why can't I relax? Geez.
I'm not happy. At all. And I have this childish feeling that nobody is listening to me. And WOW can that make a girl angry. But what am I supposed to do? Yell and rebel? That's mature. I don't even know if I want to be mature. I'm in the mood to throw a big fit. And I would if I thought that would do any good.
I'm awfully blessed.
I'm awfully blessed.
I'm awfully blessed.
I keep telling myself that, but I'm still pissed off. I think what I want is for things to be easy. Even SOME things being easy would be good enough. But nothing is easy, everything is stressful, and I think I've hit my limit. It's something like 28 days until I move out of my house to go to college. I'm so excited, especially since I have the most wonderful roommate in the whole entire world. But I want someone around here to act like they're going to miss me. Good grief, people, can't you at least pretend?
And why are boys stupid? You know the only real thing I want from a guy? For him to say what he means and mean what he says. Anything else, I could work around but I need this part and I don't think there's one single fricking guy out there who can do it. Grrrrrr.
I don't even know what else to say. Not that that's all of what I WANT to say. No no no, there's definitely more however, I don't know how to convey it all to a blog. I'm a mess.
I'm not happy. At all. And I have this childish feeling that nobody is listening to me. And WOW can that make a girl angry. But what am I supposed to do? Yell and rebel? That's mature. I don't even know if I want to be mature. I'm in the mood to throw a big fit. And I would if I thought that would do any good.
I'm awfully blessed.
I'm awfully blessed.
I'm awfully blessed.
I keep telling myself that, but I'm still pissed off. I think what I want is for things to be easy. Even SOME things being easy would be good enough. But nothing is easy, everything is stressful, and I think I've hit my limit. It's something like 28 days until I move out of my house to go to college. I'm so excited, especially since I have the most wonderful roommate in the whole entire world. But I want someone around here to act like they're going to miss me. Good grief, people, can't you at least pretend?
And why are boys stupid? You know the only real thing I want from a guy? For him to say what he means and mean what he says. Anything else, I could work around but I need this part and I don't think there's one single fricking guy out there who can do it. Grrrrrr.
I don't even know what else to say. Not that that's all of what I WANT to say. No no no, there's definitely more however, I don't know how to convey it all to a blog. I'm a mess.
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