It seems to me that the world is divided into 2 kinds of people: the kind that get their hopes up and the kind that feel like all that does for you is cause more disappointment. I'm the kind that always gets my hopes up and even after 18 years of living life this way...it still hurts every dang time.
This last time I knew better. I was fully aware that it was too early to get all excited and I needed to chill and wait it out to see how things go. But I didn't. It was new and the situation was just like in a book or a movie. (I'm really into books- so I've always wanted to live out a love story. Maybe even write my own novel about it.) This time, tho, didn't turn out with a happy ending. No no no, it was only a big ugly argument that leaves me feeling like a silly little girl.
Even after all this...now that I know that it's extremely unlikely that things will work out the way I want them to...I still feel this tiny little light inside. Like maaaayybe I can have what I want. Maybe I'll get surprised and the fight didn't mean anything and instead of breaking us, it made us stronger. Now THAT's the kind of thing that would happen in a book. That's how love stories go where you think you'll never make it- and then you DO.
But that's never happened for me before. And there I go again. Getting all hopeful.
Today is definitely not a happy day. Today just might be the ending of something I didn't want there to be an ending to at all.
